husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. These dudes tend to not understand how little theyre contributing in any significant fashion, and theyre shockedshocked!when the women theyre with realize whats going on and leave them. Sure, that could be the problem. During the first trip I spent most of my time during the day sight-seeing by myself (or with tour groups) while my wife attended her conference and later meeting her and friends for dinner and evening events. Eating a meal? Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. I know right? My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. Honestly, corporate meetings in Vegas are not the sexfests people think they are. She should set a boundary around this type of thing because it gets out of hand. Well there it is. Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? And insanely good airline availability and inexpensive flights. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. If he refuses to go, go alone. Being in Vegas to me would be about eating at fancy restaurants, doing the neon lights tour, etc. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. Whether or not you go on the trip is secondary. Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. He just says everybody so that it will give weight to his selfish wants. I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? Unless youre asking permission to uproot your familys life or something it just seems infantilizing. If you must have discussion, have them *later*, when everyone is calm. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. Where I was originally from in Ohio, there are schools that dont have proms because dancing is considered a vice, and thus shouldnt be promoted by a school. Just my two cents. And if you dont trust your spouse, why would you want to remain married to them? A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. Has he ever left the house? My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. Marriage CounselingDefinitely. Today, we can take a million pictures to find the right one, but in the Groovy era you had one chance to get the perfect shot. Friend: Uh-huh. The smoke. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. As someone in the convention industry, Vegas puts a LOT of effort into being a top convention destination (low cost, lots of large all-in-one spaces, lots of options for event entertainment), and pretty much every industry will have events that rotate through there. That hes asked several people for their opinion, and said opinions are I wouldnt let my spouse go to Vegas without me! I think this is a valid suspicion. Hed get support from his friends and family. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over - Scary Mommy I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. Funnily enough, I never cheated, never had my drink spiked or got kidnapped during these excisions to sin city. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! But theres no need to snark at me for making/agreeing with a suggestion. For me, this is a differentiation between asking for permission from the perspective of consideration for the other person (kids are the #1 reason here), and asking for permission because the nature of your relationship dictates that one person gets to decide what the other person can/should be doing. Jealous? If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. If your husband is otherwise kind and reasonable, its important to know that this is a very unusual stance for a spouse to take, so Im glad youre taking it seriously. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. Sounds like this husband needs to identify exactly what he is afraid ofI highly doubt that both his wife cheating and her getting kidnapped are equal fears because they stem from different insecurities, but hey, maybe hes insecure about everything. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. Everyone else said she deserved it! What the hell kind of business is even done in Vegas! Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. And there is plenty to do besides gamble. From the OPs subsequent posts, it sounds like they did agree with the husband, and that shes in an area where thats a more common approach. Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? You can find prostitution and gambling in lots of cities, large and small, if youre looking for temptation. Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. You can make decisions for yourself! Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. Congratulations. I also have a lot of real/not real conversations in my own head. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. Might I suggest Hotwire? Which update is that? Im sorry I love my wife and Ive been to Vegas myself and my wife hasnt traveled that much. Well, it depends. My answer to the two questions asked in the original post are: No, you wouldn't be a terrible husband to go on a trip with a group without her. Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. OPs husband doesnt seem like he would have mentioned it if it didnt support his own opinion. And even if you werent going to your cousins house! So theyre officially still working there. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. it says they WOULD even let their significant others go, not wouldnt! I made this comment on the most recent one of those! So its not like its all new. Not that it makes it ok, at all. Unsurprisingly, this is a hard concept for controlling people to grasp; What do you mean, one person can unilaterally end a relationship with no input from the other person? Ask questions like: Why didnt Iget invited? Then listen carefully asheanswers these questions and try not tointerrupt him orjump inwith your own thoughts onthe matter until hes finished explaining his reasoning, even ifitfeels like aneternity. Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. At such time as we see abuse brought up as gratuitously as anxiety is, you might just have a point. Ive known controlling people that became that way because it was a learned coping method for a disordered brain pattern not that it is a good coping method, mind you, but it is one. But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. How does he handle that? The other possibility is that hes skewing the hell out of the question somehow to make his stance seem more reasonable, like Would you guys be okay with your spouse taking off to Vegas and drinking and partying all weekend for work? LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. You shouldnt be in a position to chose your career (which has very normal career expectations) and your marriage (which seems to have some very not normal expectations). I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. 6. This is not a normal or healthy response from a spouse, and it needs to change. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. Meanwhile, there are fewer property crimes in my very small town than there are in hers, and we havent had a murder since the 1990s. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. The touristy gloss. She has thus far missed out on several family gatherings and her best friends wedding, because her husband could not get off time to go. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. I dont think you necessarily need to fear him, but as other commenters have said, there are parts of this that seem dangerous and disturbing from our perspective. Your husband is being insecure (at best!). I posted above about his great and powerful They. The Everybody who agrees with him. And hiking! On another note, with the amount of cameras in Vegas, kidnapping or any other untoward act would be fairly difficult if youre staying in populated areas. Dont engage with his arguments. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. Its just such a common conference/trade show city! I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. Sorry, Im a nope here. ), but yes, getting reinforcement on the anxiety (in this case from the friends the husband surveyed) can definitely make things worse. It was a blast! We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. I knew that Counsling was the best step but I needed professional advice to confirm my thoughts. Im going on a business trip to Vegas in a few weeks and Im grateful the conference is there rather then other difficult travel to destinations. I think she was happier than I was when I got married because, in her words Mr. Forbidding is a different story). Conversely I dont think Ive ever paid less than $200/night for a business-class hotel in NYC, Austin, LA, etc. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. This is part of your JOB. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. Just the past 2 weeks Ive taken a 3-day hiking trip, completely alone, and also a trail running workshop weekend with a group of other runners. I dont have anything else to add to what everyone else has said except that when youre there, I HIGHLY recommend going to Gordon Ramsays BURGR at the Planet Hollywood Hotel. Your wife is doing a normal thing and has given no signs she isnt anything but committed to you. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. Maybe he needs counseling for anxiety. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. My point was, shes hearing about friends opinions second-hand. I worry about things constantly. It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. She should go and she should make therapy a minimal condition of continuing the marriage. Actually those are not the only two choices. The Rio does have huge rooms! Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. For work. rarely cede ground. You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. We specifically took any kind of obey language out of our vows. If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. Armchair diagnosis of either is not useful, but it doesnt hurt to remind people of possible things to consider. Its not particularly reasonable to expect a teenager to make scheduled check-in calls, much less an adult! Ive been to far more dangerous places. For example, I dont gamble and drugs, etc have no appeal. As it were. LOL! Its just boring to us because we arent into flashy lights and gambling. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. Most people just went to Banana Republic and then did some karaoke. He couldnt leave her in a peace for five minutes on her last business trip, and is questioning the companys motives, all while she is the primary breadwinner? This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. If he doesnt trust you, and is otherwise not riddled with anxiety, whats causing that? Even if it was a relatively nice day, the fact that there was snow on the road would just give him fits. Wilberforce agrees with meeee!. You deserveit! It is okay for you to make normal daily choices even if your husband feels anxious about them. But VEGAS?! Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby). Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. I agree. It doesnt take the anxiety away, but it seemed to dull some of the crazier bits. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. Counseling perhaps. At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. We all had a blast. At least thats what happens to *me* at conferences whether theyre in Kansas City or Honoluhu. Yeah, Im wondering who would even give this sort of advice. Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? Do I Have to Travel with Husband to Visit In-laws? - Mamapedia July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? Either hes got anxiety driving him to act out this way, which can be addressed with talk therapy to learn new coping mechanisms (also, medication is an excellent tool that could help) or, he feels threatened by your success in business and is seeking to sabotage you to keep you in your place.

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